Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés

Swans and mice hate each other's food for the most part. What if you were raised by the mice people? But what if you're, say, a swan. Sometimes to make the point I have to move to other animal metaphors. There is nothing wrong with ducks, I assure them, or with swans. Assume also for a moment that she has been brought up by or is currently surrounded by ducks.

If warranted, I might ask my client to assume for a moment that she is a swan who does not realzie it. 'I must admit, I sometimes find it useful in my practice to delineate the various typologies of personality as cats and hens and ducks and swans and so forth. Rather than understand that the beauty of her soul shines through when she is being herself, the woman changes the subject and effectively snatches nourishment away from the soul-self, which thrives on being acknowledged.' If you say how lovely she is, or how beautiful her art is, or compliment anything else her soul took part in, inspired, or suffused, something in her mind says she is undeserving and you, the complimentor, are an idiot for thinking such a thing to begin with. Although it could be a matter of modesty, or could be attributed to shyness- although too many serious wounds are carelessly written off as 'nothing but shyness'- more often a compliment is stuttered around about because it sets up an automatic and unpleasant dialogue in the woman's mind.

“There is probably no better or more reliable measure of whether a woman has spent time in ugly duckling status at some point or all throughout her life than her inability to digest a sincere compliment.

Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés